There was a time when I didn’t think I would ever see this day. I missed his first birthday, his first Christmas, his first day of school. I missed all of his growing up years. I loved him through all those years. I knew he was well cared for and very loved, wherever he was. Through God’s love and many miracles, today, I was there witnessing the marriage of my first grandson to his perfectly matched wife.
His birth mother my daughter, was held captive by the invisible chains of Bi-Polar disorder. Everything inside her loved this baby and wanted to keep him with her forever. But because of, and out of, her very deep love, she also knew she would not be able to provide for him the life he deserved, The life she wanted him to have.
With God as her partner, my daughter chose a husband and wife that wanted more than anything else to become a mother and a father. When he was just four days old, together, we placed this beautiful baby boy into their waiting, loving arms.
Because it was a closed adoption names and locations where kept from us. We were allowed only limited contact for the first few years. Then none. No further communications allowed.
When he was 7 years old, his birth mother, my daughter, died at the age of 26. We desperately wanted his adoptive family to know this. The thought of him searching for her in his adult years only to discover she was no longer alive was haunting to me. I wanted the family to have that information so they could inform him when the time was right. The Adoption Agency would not provide them with this information even though I felt it was vital that the family know it.
I began searching on my own with the limited information I had. With open adoptions beginning to be an option and with the vast amount of information now on the internet, I hoped I could find a way to contact the family. It was not with the intent of getting into the child’s life at that point. It was about arming the parents with the information that his mother had died, that his birth family would still be there for him, to answer his questions, to love him when the time was right, and if he wanted that contact.
As the years went by, I found nothing. When he turned 18 I made sure my name was on the list of adopted people searching for their birth family. Hoping he would find us if he chose to look.
My searches, time after time had no results. So feeling defeated but still hopeful, I turned to God. Ok, I get it. When the time is right for this contact to happen please let me know. Until then I will stop searching.
When he was almost 20 years old, I woke up at two in the morning with a very strong feeling I needed to search for him now. I opened my computer and once again started a search with the information I had. This time the first article that popped up lead me to another article that confirmed I had indeed found his parents. That was about 3 years ago.
At his wedding, visiting with his entire family, It was like we have always known each other. It was surreal to be there, actually participating in this big event in his life. Feeling his warm hugs and giving congratulations in real life.
And wouldn’t you know it? I discovered that when I found him that day. His mom had been praying for someone to come into his life that would love him unconditionally. And that we do!
It’s all in God’s timing. I am feeling very blessed.